for one week, I fasted. of course, fasting has prayer built right in, but I decided to take a second week -- the one just gone by -- really focusing on praying for my life + the direction in which it's headed.
I'm looking to be renewed; not to improve myself but to point to Jesus in all things. I definitely haven't been doing that lately. not in caring for my family and definitely not in caring for myself. while I'm striving to get all the things done, or thinking about what's next on the list, I'm burning out. less and less is actually accomplished each day, fatigue is taking over, and motivation is waning as I try once again to do it all in my own strength.
focusing on prayer was not easy. honestly, I don't know that I did it justice, but I spent a week asking God where wants me: whether or not I should be out working or at home with Rowan in this season, where my thoughts + allegiances should lie, and how I should go about it all while living with others who don't share my priorities.
just as at the end of the fast, when it became clear that my affinity for early rising isn't just a preference but a necessity, praying confirmed that not only do I need to get up in the morning + start my day, but I need to actually start a day. while it's good for me to wake early, spend some time in the Word, and maybe squeeze in a run or a workout, it's even better for me to do these things knowing there's a real day to follow.
being at home with Rowan, while a huge blessing + so much fun, has been hard on me. I stopped working just as I was hitting my 39th week of pregnancy, and spent two weeks waiting for our baby to make its arrival. just over a year later, the nothing is catching up to me. too many days go by without any real schedule, other than a bit of laundry or a meal plan. in order to thrive -- personally and as a wife + mother -- I need rhythm in my days, a steady beat to live within.
as I look ahead to the next week, my focus is on discerning which areas of my life + heart God would tackle first. which rhythm He would play through my days.
a week of quiet and as much solitude as I can find at home with my family. a week of seeking + listening. [mostly listening.]
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